Week one may be done, but the firsts are still pouring in. This week we got all of the typical ingredients that come together to create a delicious episode of the Bachelorette: a group date, a one-on-one (this time we had two, one for each of the leads), a cocktail party, and a rose ceremony. Who knows how long this will last before we start getting episodes ending before the rose ceremony and all the confusion that begins to cloud around what week we are even in anymore.

But enough with the foreplay, lets dive into the big firsts we experience this week!

First “Group Date”

With double the bachelorettes and a historic number of men, I was expecting the show to try out some new ideas. After allowing the ladies to cancel the rose ceremony – on night one, no less – the producers drew up a fun way to allow all the men to participate in some sort of date/activity with Rachel and Gabby. Sure, in seasons past we have seen moments that resemble this week’s pageant. But there was one major difference: this was the device by which the girls picked who would join them on a group date.

As a viewer, I loved this whole concept. First off, nothing cracks me up more than when they have to blur/block people’s crotches on TV. Maybe that’s childish of me, I don’t care. Not to mention, in Bachelor world, any time anyone is even a little scantily clad there are references to Yosef – from Clare’s season – and his daughter. That shit never fails to crack me up. Secondly, it was a really great way to get another look at all these guys. The ones who used this as a way to crack a joke, perform an actual talent, or even explain how to save money with your mortgage – it was entertaining and informative. In the end, the ladies picked a handful of men to join them on their group date.

They chose: Brandan, Jason, Logan, Johnny, Aven, and Colin. Decent choices, but let’s all acknowledge the fact that Jacob 10000% should have been invited on this group date for his whole mortgage schtick.

At the private party/group date that night we got our first peak at the real downside of this whole “two bachelorette” thing that we have going on. Not only did we have a guy tell Rachel straight up that he is here for Gabby, but we had to witness both women expressing their desire to give the same man the group date rose. Let’s dive into both these things, because – shocker – I have a lot of opinions.

I am going to tip my cap to Jason, who just moments into his conversation with Rachel let her know that he is here for and interested in Gabby. Honesty, openness, transparency. I don’t have an issue with what he did. That being said, the producers managed to edit this sequence to really get you feeling for Rachel. But let’s really think about this. If you are Rachel, would you rather have this awesome conversation with a guy and start having feelings for him only to later find out through someone else that his intentions are for Gabby? OR would you rather him be up front and honest about it before anyone gets too invested?

You would have to be pretty dumb to not pick the latter.

Even though this season is different, the producers and their editing wizardry will never change. In this particular instance, they laid it out for us to feel bad for Rachel. Something else that will never change: this manipulation totally worked on me. I was all up in my feelings about this girl while I was watching this group date. At one point I even pointed at the TV with my non-wine glass holding hand and said “this girl deserves some attention!” Seemingly as an answer to my demand, Logan swoops in.

Unfortunately for the producers, this is where they lose me.

I think this guy is trash. I can’t exactly put my finger on why. It isn’t solely because they immediately cut to him schmoozing and smooching Gabby following his conversation with Rachel, but that is totally a piece of it. It’s deeper than that: A) I don’t find him even a little bit attractive and both the girls do, which annoys me. B) He seems fake and corny as hell. C) This man has “I am just trying to make out with some hot girls and then stroll into paradise” written all over him.

So even though Rachel was giving me feelings, I was salty to see her give Logan that rose. Especially after he pulled that “your brave” crap on her. I cannot roll my eye balls enough to express how bullshit this guy is.

Gabby, thankfully, gives her rose to Johnny. I had paid literally zero attention to him until the group date, but I was happy to see Gabby making a connection with someone that night who wasn’t Logan. Yes, sometimes it is that simple.

One-on-One: Rachel and Jordan V.

For the season’s first one-on-one date we got to see Rachel and Jordan go on a zero-gravity plane ride together.

I was thrilled to see Rachel chose Jordan V. for her first date. As I mentioned last week, I really enjoyed their connection on night one and thought they had a great frame work to build a relationship on. They are just two adorable blonde people who have adrenaline-rush careers. It feels like a match made in heaven.

Up to a point, I was genuinely buying into it. The way they were kissing and laughing as they bumped into the side of the plane was precious. They were oozing chemistry. So when they got to the dinner portion of the date, I was smiling from ear to ear with excitement for Rachel who more than deserved the attention.

Unfortunately, it quickly became clear that something was missing for Rachel and after talking to the producers, she decided to let him go.

I am totally here for Rachel listening to her gut and not stringing Jordan along. In the same vein as Jason’s decision to be honest with Rachel at the group date, she chose to break things off where she didn’t feel a connection. After the show when I went on social media, I was surprised to see that the majority didn’t agree with my stance on this. Seeing the internet’s reaction to this is a prime example of the way women on reality TV are held to a double-standard. We give Rachel shit for letting Jordan go after just one date with him, but if she kept him for a few more weeks and then let him go saying she really hadn’t been feeling it she would also be getting shit. You really can’t win.

And what the heck is so wrong with making a decision like that after one date. In real life people go on a singular date and decide that person isn’t right for them, why can’t Rachel do the same?

I could probably rant on and on about this, but I will spare you. The point at the end of the day is that Rachel did what was best for her and I will always support that.

One-on-One: Gabby and Nate

After Rachel’s rollercoaster of a date, we got to see what Gabby had in store for her first one-on-one date: Nate.

This was an exciting choice because up to this point we hadn’t gotten much from Nate, but what we did get from him was show stopping. I don’t want to get into the details of the whole Chris mess that bubbled up on this episode. Not yet anyway. But during a conversation between the men of the house regarding Chris’s shocking revelation about fantasy suites, Nate stole the show. He spoke eloquently and intelligently about the tactics of control that emerged as Chris expressed his desire to leave if one of the women were to sleep with someone else later in the show. To hear a man speak so well about an issue that not only plagues women, but women in this franchise, was a breath of fresh air.

So needless to say, I was excited to hear his name called.

After a weirdly unnecessary interaction with Rachel, the two lovebirds were whisked off on a romantic helicopter ride. And it that wasn’t enough of a typical Bachelor franchise gimmick for you, check this out: NOT ONLY did they fly past the mansion so all the rest of the men could get in their feelings about what could have been, they also landed to enjoy a nice hot tub placed in the middle of literal nowhere. Even though this season is getting creative, you have got to a love a little return to the basics on this date.

And just like dates in this franchise sometimes do, this one really made you fall in love with this couple. Besides their obvious chemistry, the pair really connected at dinner when Nate let Gabby know that he is a dad – a girl dad, no less. Seeing Gabby’s emotions bubble up as he gushed about his daughter was moving. To know that this was a trait she was looking for in a partner and see it illustrated for her so early in the process is so lovely. This can work…

They have done it again to me. I fall victim every time. I can start out all cynical about this show, but eventually there is something that convinces me to buy into this garbage. Shout out to Nate and Gabby for being that something this season.

Obviously he got a rose as he won over the hearts of both Gabby and the audience that night, myself included.

Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony

After our first one-on-ones and first group date of the season, we get our first real cocktail party. And by “real” I mean the first cocktail party where the men didn’t arrive in limos to make grand and cheesy entrances.

The big story of the night was definitely Chris being outed by some of the men in the house. But before we dive into that, let’s highlight a few moments of the night that were a bit less high stakes and a bit more adorable.

First of all we got Mario shooting his shot with Rachel. At first my defenses went way up seeing him go for her. Seriously Mario?! You are going to go after Rachel even though you got Gabby’s first impression rose?! IS NOTHING SACRED?! It didn’t take long for Mario’s adorable charm to climb right over my defenses and remind me that this is just a good man who I want to find love. You can try to shoot your shot with both of these women and not be so scummy – @Logan you could learn a thing or two from Mario.

We got another completely adorable moment between Gabby and Erich whose chemistry is unparalleled thus far in my opinion. That’s really all I have to say. We love Gabby and Erich together.

Perhaps the best moment though was seeing Rachel get some much deserved attention. Between not getting a ton of affection from the men on the group date and her not-so-successful date with Jordan, Rachel wasn’t having the most successful week. I mean the girl watched a private concert by herself. It wasn’t a great look. Thankfully, some adorable men in the house expressed their interest in her and showered her with flirting and kissing. Big shout out to Zach and Tyler for making moves and giving our girl the attention she deserves!

Alright fine, I’ll talk about the Chris-tuation.

While I dread plot points on these shows where people take it upon themselves to warn the lead or snitch on another cast member, this one felt more necessary than some in the past. What exactly did he do to make me feel this way? Thanks for asking. Chris declared to nearly the entire house that when – not if, but when – he makes it to fantasy suites, he would leave if the woman he was interested in slept with anyone else. This isn’t the first time we have heard this kind of controlling bullshit on this show – please see: Luke P – but that didn’t make it any less upsetting to hear.

Thankfully, the men didn’t like what they were hearing either. Our boys Hayden, Jordan, and Quincey were upset enough by this character reveal that they decided to fill Rachel in. Their message was short and sweet. Essentially, “This guy is a toxic, controlling man who not only isn’t good enough for you, but is quite honestly a total dick.” Well done boys.

After hearing this news, Rachel immediately told Gabby and the women nipped this issue in the bud by sending Chris home. All done right? Of course not, this guy is toxic and doesn’t know how to take no for an answer.

Instead of leaving, like he was asked to, Chris decided to gather men who he was suspicious told the girls to have a chat with them about respect. You can laugh. It is funny that a man who so clearly needs to have a talking to about how to respect women wants to talk about respect with any sense of authority. Thankfully, the ladies and production shut this conversation down pretty quickly.

Bye Chris, for good this time!

The night concluded with the two women giving out roses to men who they have both expressed interest in. In the end the following men went home: John, Justin, Brandan, Colin, and Ryan.

My Favorite Guys After Episode Two

After two episodes, I am ready to declare my “way-too-early” favorites from this season. Let’s check it out – in no particular order.

Erich: I adore him for Gabby, I adore their chemistry, I adore his hilarious mullet, I adore their banter. I just adore it.

Mario: This man has some of the most infectious energy that I have seen in some time. What a joy. According to the Bachelor data Instagram account, Mario has had less than 10 minutes of screen time and yet I want to protect him from all pain. An absolute lights out impression from this guy.

Jacob: Get out of here with that mortgage conversation during the pageant. That won me the heck over. Plus, I am going through a bit of a blonde-guy phase, so he is really it for me right now. What can I say?!

Nate: I have already said my piece about Nate above, but of course I have more to add. This man is a goofy, handsome, thoughtful girl dad! What more can you ask for?

It’s too soon to call on the rest of the men. It’s true that there are a few who I don’t like, but this is not the space for negativity so I refuse to give them the time of day.