Check-In: Vanderpump Rules Season 11

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28–42 minutes

Being the fan of a long-running reality TV show is a thankless journey. After eleven seasons, you have devoted so many hours of your life that you will never get back to these people and plot lines. There is an obligation to see it through. It is exhausting and burdensome, but someone has to do it.

Truth be told, I only caught up to Vanderpump last season. I was actually binging the show for the first time when news of the “Scandoval” broke. It was like running over a metaphorical boost pad from Mario Kart. My binging became the only important thing in my life – higher on my priority list than eating, sleeping, even caring for myself. Thankfully, I was already midway through season 8 at the time, so it wasn’t too much of an ask to catch up. And it was worth it for what has been the topic of endless conversations with friends, family, and practical strangers. The world came together to hate Tom Sandoval and lift Ariana Madix up as high as we could. Because no matter how much of a burden it is to watch reality TV, we are all in it together.

We are currently five episodes into the season following this world-shaking scandal. The lead up was scintillating and truthfully, the payoff has been mild thus far. There have no doubt been jaw dropping moments – read: everything Sandoval says – but it has been a lot of focus on the fallout and not much else.

Don’t worry though, that won’t stop me from going main cast member by main cast member to tell you exactly how I am feeling about them at this point in the Vanderpump saga.

Where We Left Him:

Schwartz has always been Sandoval’s right hand man, apparently that even extends to times when Sandoval is cheating on his longtime girlfriend. Last season ended with the Scandoval explosion and with that, a big question mark around how much Schwartz did or did not know about the situation. There was a lot that went on during the show’s offseason, including Schwartz going on WWHL and asking people to give Sandoval a hug – ew. The ultimate conclusion has been that Tom was aware of everything going on at some point during the cheating and may have even helped keep a secret.

Once a bitch boy, always a bitch boy.

Where We Are Now:

Tom Schwartz is on something of an apology tour. Yeah, you read that right, a Tom who is not Tom Sandoval is on an apology tour. Even though no one really wants to hear it, Schwartz is desperate to get free from his association and involvement with the Scandoval. Well, maybe not that desperate since he still hangs out with Sandoval all the time. Even though he is having some success in his efforts to get back to normal with the likes of James and Lala, Ariana doesn’t want to hear any of it. She, and I quote, “gave up on him a long time ago.”

Thus far we have gotten a lot of whining from Schwartzy – his “permission to bitch?” line in his confessional did send me though, so it’s not all bad. Whining and an attempt to bring the gang back together in the form of a trip to Lake Tahoe. After the silly, little guy invited himself there during a conversation with Lisa, he extended an invite to the entire main cast. Part of me thinks he is a doofus for this, but then again they all did sign up to be on a reality show that routinely involves taking group trips together. Even though things are uniquely weird amongst this group of people, it’s still kind of their job to do stuff like this.

Unfortunately for Tom, this plan only half works and unfortunately for us, it leads to more whining. Both Ariana and Katie unsurprisingly and rudely – but he deserves it so it’s fine – decline the invitation. I can’t blame either of them for not wanting to go vacationing with their exes…but it is delightfully ironic that even though the idea of sharing a house in Tahoe with him for a few days is gross to her, Ariana has quite literally been LIVING in the same house with Sandoval since the scandal broke. In the end we have a trip with Lala, Scheana, Brock, James, and Ally to visit Tahoe and see Lisa’s new restaurant venue there.

Tom deserves just a little credit for being the vehicle of the only plot driver in the season thus far, even if he was completely puppeteered into doing so by Lisa. Nearly every other moment has been about dealing with in the aftermath of Scandoval. I love shitting on Tom Sandoval as much as the next person, but it’s nice to talk about something different for five minutes. Especially when that something involves Lisa Vanderpump having a photoshoot with a Wolf. I guess we owe him a ‘thank you’ for that.

Where I Stand:

I know exactly what this man is doing and despite my best efforts, it is working on me.

I have long been a Tom Schwartz apologist. It is not something I am proud of, but even as far back as the pouring-a-drink-on-Katie’s-head incident, I have been giving him the benefit of the doubt. Last season and the whole “give him a hug” moment were definitely strong arguments that managed to sway me a bit away from him, but I have come back. Maybe it’s the fact that I am not able to be unforgiving to multiple members of this cast right now when so much energy is aimed at Sandoval. More likely though, it is the simple fact that even though his weakness and naivety are glaringly obvious, I am charmed by him nonetheless.

That’s right, I am a part of the problem.

His storyline so far as been an all-time pity tour in an effort to get us to forgive him for – or maybe just forget about – the part he played in the Scandoval. He’s single and forty living alone with his many, many plants! He is sober curious! His business is suffering! He is upset with Tom Sandoval – albeit for five seconds – because of what he did!

I am such a silly, stupid girl and I feel sympathy for him, but here we are.

In summation:
Where We Left Her:

Ariana was betrayed by multiple people including her partner of nearly ten years. She was heartbroken, shocked, disgusted, and a number of other things as she navigated the immediate aftermath of Scandoval.

Where We Are Now:

Our girl Ariana is still living in the same house as her betrayer, though they have not spoken since the reunion. She only interacts with him via his assistant Ann who – along with her other responsibilities – sheepishly walks around the house trying to act as a mediator between the two. This isn’t to say Ann isn’t my favorite person on the show right now, because she is. Someone pay this girl so much more money and get her out of this hell hole of a situation! She is innocent in all this and deserves better!! This is an Ann stan account.

Oops, got a little sidetracked there…anyway Ariana has cut Tom and the majority of his allies – read: Tom Schwartz – out of her life. She only surrounds herself with her girl gang which consists of Katie, Lala, and Scheana as well as all the friends she spends time with while not on camera filming for Vanderpump Rules. She also has a handsome new beau, Daniel Wai, with whom she is in a long-distance relationship. We love this for her.

All in all, Ariana is doing what she can to stay healthy and focused on moving on from the madness of the past few months. Boundaries have been created, decisions have been made, and lines have been drawn. Whatever works for you, honey!

Where I Stand:

I will not stand for any of the Ariana slander.

This was teased before the season even started and we are already seeing it happen just five episodes in: production is giving Ariana an unflattering, if not villain-level, cut this year. Villainizing a woman who is setting boundaries, sticking up for herself, and getting away from toxicity is wild. I mean, let’s just look at some of the things they have tried to pin on her so far this season:

All in all, she hasn’t done much more this season than be a confident queen who is slowly separating her life from Tom. It’s not an easy process that can happen in a flash, so people need to stop expecting it to be. When you are with someone for nearly ten years, your lives become extremely intertwined. Things like finances, habits, interests, friends, activities, etc. are all crisscrossed. It is going to take time to untangle this web and she is doing her best.

In summation:
Where We Left Her:

Katie and Tom Schwartz are still navigating post-divorce life and who they are to each other now. It was definitely sad to watch their relationship fall apart over something with a name as silly and unserious as “Schwartz and Sandy’s,” but we also know that this was the right thing for Katie. She is no longer being held back by a man who literally never stood up for her or took her side. Last season we saw her dating, butting heads with Scheana, and co-parenting her puppies.

Side Note: It is refreshing to write one of these without it being all about the Scandoval!

Where We Are Now:

There isn’t much to report on Katie even after five episodes of season eleven. Most of what we have seen out of her involves her being at Ariana’s right hand ready to defend, shit talk, and make the disgusted facial expressions we know and love her for. The two of them are not just partners in continuously judging everyone else on the show, they are also giving us a look into the development of their sandwich shop, Something About Her.

I wanted so badly for there to be an actual update on Something About Her this season, but alas. We are watching them kind of go through exactly what their respective exes went through when preparing the aforementioned Schwartz and Sandy’s to open. It would have been such an eff you to the boys had they been able to get things up and running without the hurdles that they had – to show them once in for all that ladies get shit done! Unfortunately, they seem caught up in the red tape of compliance and codes and all that jazz. It’s really disappointing to see them hitting so many of the same road blocks. This would have been such an easy win to the Toms, but it slipped through their fingers.

The ladies are also on a bit of an island when it comes to the rest of the cast. Sure the season started with a nice dinner with Scheana and Lala where they were giving “girl gang” energy. It was fun, but it was never going to last. By opting out of Tom’s Lake Tahoe trip the girl’s are not just isolating themselves, but also allowing the space for Lala and Scheana to be won over by the Tom’s. We all see it coming from a mile away and it only seems to scream out for a greater divide to be created.

When Katie isn’t with Ariana there isn’t much else happening for her. She pops over to Tom’s to see the dogs or grabs awkward dinner with Scheana is an attempt to reconcile their doomed relationship. Nothing to write home about.

Where I Stand:

My dear, sweet Katie is right back where she belongs on this show: sidekick to the bad bitch who is running things. First it was Stassi and now it is another blonde wronged by one of the show’s idiotic men.

I have been here for Katie since the very beginning of the series, only wavering during the season leading up to and including her wedding because SHE WAS INTOLERABLE! Other than that, she is definitely my favorite cast member. She wears a look of disgust with the best of them, is witchy and bitchy, and is finally free from her unsupportive anchor. I am ready to watch Katie kick ass and take names, but…nothing is really happening for her so far this season. Besides being the iconic sidekick that she is, of course.

I want to see more of her. I want single Katie out in these streets, I want her fighting with Scheana about how weak-willed she is when she inevitably crawls back to Sandoval, I want her going to bat for Ariana. I know some of this is coming – *cough* the love triangle with Tom *cough* – but I need it to hurry up, I’m getting bored over here.

In summation:
Where We Left Her:

Scheana ended last season doing what Scheana does best: making a situation she was in no way a part of, all about her. *Sigh* some things never change. After Rachel alleged that Scheana physically attacked her once she found out about the cheating scandal, she filed a restraining order. This sent our overly dramatic songstress into a tailspin. In addition to her extreme empathy for her “best friend” Ariana and the heartbreak of losing a friend “as amazing” as Tom Sandoval, she was primed and ready to play the victim. No one wanted to hear it, because there were bigger and better crises to be attended too, but that didn’t stop her from making a scene any chance she could.

It wasn’t all bad though, she gave us some seriously amazing content when discussing how she couldn’t possibly have hit Rachel.

“It’s scientifically impossible for me to form, like, an actual fist. All of my nails would break. If I make a fist this way, my thumb would break. It’s just – my hands don’t work like that! I’m not a – I’m not a puncher.”

Scheana Marie Shay

An alibi where your ridiculous nails make it impossible for you to form a fist described on a reality TV confessional? This is the stuff of legends.

Where We Are Now:

Scheana is, well, she is being Scheana. God bless this consistent queen. The two biggest plot points that stick out for her thus far is her post-partum OCD and it’s impact on her ability to leave her daughter with a sitter and her transparent thirst to have Sandoval back in her life.

Where I Stand:

Listen, I like Scheana. I like her, but I know exactly what I am going to get out of her. There is no growth or development out of this woman. I don’t understand how you can watch yourself on reality TV for over ten years and not think there are some things you should probably change about yourself. But then again, she is great reality TV so I really shouldn’t complain.

This year I find myself really feeling for her. Even though Brock is a physical specimen and his accent makes me swoon, he is being incredibly unsupportive and unsympathetic to his wife. On camera no less. It makes me fear for the dismissal he must give her off camera. I have rolled my eyes almost as much at the things he is saying this season as I have at the things Scheana is saying. This is a really impressive feat, because no one makes me roll my eyes quite like Scheana. I so admire her openness about the post-partum OCD she is struggling with and commend her for discussing a very real part of her life with us. It just sucks to see it getting used as a point of contention with her spouse. You would hope for better, but I suppose I should know better by now with this show.

Despite all this positivity and sympathy I feel for her, I am once again aghast at just how much she wants everyone to like her. If Ariana is the best friend she claims her to be, she would at least be open and honest about her hurt with Tom. Take a note from Katie’s book, honey. Instead she is so clearly locked in on getting the Tom’s back in her life, or at least getting back on their good side.

We all know how this is going to end for our naive little Scheana Marie. She will rekindle things with the Toms and, in the process, lose Katie and Ariana. Even though that is an obvious outcome to, I don’t know…literally anyone else, she will be shocked and bewildered by it all. In the end we will have victim Scheana all over again. It’s especially tough considering she actually is a victim in this situation with Brock.

In summation:
Where We Left Her:

Lala delivered an all-time reunion performance in season ten. It sure helped fuel her fire that the infamous Randall Emmett news was breaking at a very similar time to all this Scandoval nonsense. As a victim of cheating herself, she was extra sympathetic to this situation. She is also fighting a custody battle for her baby, Ocean, which can’t be easy to handle on top of everything else.

Where We Are Now:

Even though the dust is settling on Scandoval, Lala is still dealing with the ramifications of her own personal life blowing up last year. Her mother is living with her and her brother is also nearby in an effort to unify around her and help raise Ocean.

Though she is a notorious ballbuster, Lala has been much more open and understanding to the villains of the Scandoval than any other cast member. She started things off with a bang by reaching out to Rachel in episode one. While it was shocking in a vacuum, the reasoning behind her outreach makes all the sense in the world. Since everything gross and disgusting about Randall has come to light, Lala has had to face a few unflattering realities. Turns out that those rumors back when she first started seeing him were true: she was the other woman. Wearing the label of being a homewrecker and a cheater have made her more sympathetic to what Rachel must be going through. Seeing this woman, who was the victim of a deceitful man, get completely deserted and dragged through the mud is striking a real chord in Lala. The crossover of these two cheating revelations has brought her into a unique place where she is able to sympathize with what Rachel is going through.

Everything that follows this olive branch is just bread crumbs leading us to an inevitable reconciliation with the Toms. The trouble is that, even though she is sober, Lala can still be a crazy bitch and will not go down quietly when Ariana dismisses her for making peace with them.

Where I Stand:

I have a lot of admiration for Lala. Her sobriety is, in and of itself, an incredible accomplishment. But when you pair that with her ability to stay sober through a messy breakup and custody battle, it’s downright heroic. Her will power and desire to be a good, caring mother to Ocean is very impressive. Not to mention she has the balls to wear whatever she wants whenever she wants, and I have nothing but respect for a woman who makes bold fashion choices.

It’s a real shame that her own difficult time is being overshadowed by the Scandoval. The fact that it is a situation comprised completely of long-time cast members obviously makes for a “better” plotline for the show, I understand that. It’s just tough to imagine Lala’s situation unfolding in the background.

So far things have been relatively copacetic with Lala, but I can feel a storm coming. After all, this is a woman who loves drama and if there isn’t any drama going on she is more than happy to stir some up. That is why she is a reality TV star, she keeps things interesting and delivers the goods. I am enjoying her so far this season, but I am unsure of how I will be feeling about her come the finale.

In Summation:
Where We Left Him:

Right alongside Lala, James also came in hot to last year’s reunion. He delivered the iconic, “you’re a worm with a mustache” among many other one-liners and took advantage of the moment to blast Tom and Rachel on social media. In the end, he came out of the whole thing as one of the more positively viewed people on the show.

Where We Are Now:

James is still dating his delightfully blah girlfriend, Ally. Along with their cats, they recently moved into a new house conveniently located right under the LAX flight path. He is coming into this season a new James. He is sober and riding the high of coming out of last season as the show’s golden boy. But don’t worry, old James is still in there somewhere behind his new glasses that scream “I am trying to look mature.” Hell, he is still performing DJ sets at SUR and TomTom.

He is also still an incredibly emotionally volatile human being, the volatility is just tampered down at the moment. In the first few episodes we have gotten a real look at just how hurt he is following the drama of last year. Even though he isn’t one of the main names that comes to mind when you think of Scandoval, he is a central figure in this grand betrayal. Not only was he just months separated from his breakup with Rachel – who he was engaged to, let’s not forget that – after five years of dating, but he was very close with Sandoval. Over the years we have seen James hit some really low lows, but Tom has always been there to stick up for him and comfort him. After James’ split with Kristen, the two have been pretty consistently tight. All things considered, it is very natural for James to feel extremely hurt by the entire situation.

The trouble is: Tom doesn’t seem to understand. He is failing to take full responsibility for his actions and how it hurt everyone involved in this mess, but with James he is initially confounded by why he could possibly be hurt. When James calls what he did the “ultimate betrayal,” Tom is quick to turn the tables of him and bring up something that happened nearly ten years ago. Classic deflection. His inability to acknowledge James’ pain is yet another example of how slimy and disgusting this man is.

In Tahoe he does have a come to Jesus moment where he manages to whimper out an apology to James, but I find it hard to take it seriously. This is clearly part of a calculated effort to get back in everyone’s good graces.

But enough about that guy, let’s talk about something happier. How about dogs?!

By far the most emotionally impactful moment of the season has been James’ reunion with his dog Graham. Okay so technically he is Rachel’s dog, but they did raise him together when they were still dating. He is still emotionally attached to the fluffy golden doodle. The story of how they came to be reunited is different depending on who you ask. Rachel’s camp is refuting the validity of the events depicted on the show and Sandoval is already gossiping (read: bragging) about knowing more information. I, personally, don’t want to speculate too much on the matter. Instead, I will naively believe the narrative we are fed by the heroic Lisa Vanderpump: after Rachel checked into a mental healthy facility, leaving Graham with her parent’s, Graham was put into a kill shelter. Apparently there were some behavioral issues that involved him biting/attacking people. Not great. But seeing James’ reaction to Graham coming down the stairs of Vanderpump Dogs? They are targeting my soft spot so efficiently here, and I loved every second of it.

“Graham Cracker!!!”

Where I Stand:

How did we get here? How on earth am I calling James Kennedy the “number one guy in the group?” He has displayed some of the most heinous behavior I have ever seen on a reality TV show during his tenure on Vanderpump, which is really saying something considering heinous behavior is a reality TV staple. Call it sympathy or simply running out of options, I am a James Kennedy fan now and I will not apologize for it. At least until I inevitably have to in a few weeks when he does something heinous again.

More than anything though, I am worried about James this season. As despicable as her has been over the years, his cruelty has often come from a place of suffering. It’s true that this suffering is often self-inflicted. His drinking is a real spine-tingling cautionary tale about excessive alcohol consumption. Even though he is attempting to make changes and is currently sober, I can’t help but worry that we have been down this path before.

During a conversation with Lala, James expressed that his sobriety is different this time around because he did it for himself and not for a relationship. The last time he quit booze, it was due to a threat from Rachel that she would leave him if he kept drinking. This time it was because Ally took the cats and left him all alone after a fight. Please tell me how those situations are any different, because I can’t tell them apart and that is worrying me. Even though he is telling himself it is different this time, it looks exactly the same and may be just as easy to come out of. All this worrying might be for naught and he may be in it for the long haul – what do I know? I just fear for the friction of this situation causing him to go off the deep end.

Here I am, worried about a man who spit on Kristen Doute’s door less than ten years ago. Maybe the impact of the Scandoval has turned a cynic like me into a softie for this British boy. I know it won’t last, I will turn on him before too long. His will reach a breaking point and be that heinous person again, but I will enjoy this fondness while it lasts.

In Summation:
Where We Left Her:

Our beloved matriarch tried her best to stay neutral in a situation where it was impossible to be neutral. While Lisa has definitely been taking a step back in recent years, the scandal put her even further outside of the relevancy of the show’s events.

Where We Are Now:

This is a season where endings mark new beginnings for LVP.

We see her close the doors to Pump, her third LA based restaurant featured on the show. It was definitely a bittersweet moment to watch as viewers considering how much of Pump’s inception and development was featured on both Vanderpump Rules and The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. The spot was also host to many a hilarious moment over the years. I immediately think of Tom Schwartz walking out during his first shift as a Pump bartender – an early sign that this man folds under any sort of pressure. But with the closing of one restaurant comes the opening of another. The aging Vanderpump-Todd’s are opening a new spot in Lake Tahoe called “Wolf” – which explains the group trip to Tahoe and the wilderness photoshoot involving an actual wolf. Even with all these changes Lisa is still in girl boss mode, some things never change!

In terms of her relationship to the rest of our troubled cast, she is dipping in and out as their surrogate mother figure. Some of it is benevolent, such as her orchestration of the James and Graham reunion, but it is not all misty-eyed moments. Unfortunately, Lisa may be the founding member of the “we are being too hard on Tom Sandoval” club – Schwartz really wanted to be, but he couldn’t commit to a name, so Lisa jumped in. This movement may have started before cameras started rolling, but we got our first glimpse when Tom came to visit LVP at what is left of Pump. During their discussion Tom mentioned that he had experienced suicidal thoughts. This would send anyone into a tailspin, but Lisa is especially vulnerable to these words considering her brother’s recent passing from suicide. So naturally, our fearless leader takes charge and rallies the troops starting with Lala and Scheana.

Perhaps the most cringe moment of the season so far – which is saying something considering I cringe every time Tom Sandoval opens his stupid mouth – was at the hands of Lisa in Lake Tahoe. At an awkwardly quiet dinner with all the Tahoe guests, she takes advantage of a lull in the conversation to ask James what his favorite thing about Tom Sandoval is. Truly a jaw-droppingly strange decision from the master manipulator herself. Yet somehow, this action manages to make James feel bad for Tom being put on the spot in that moment. I truly don’t know how she does it, but she is the best.

She has spent the majority of the first few episodes either discussing business ventures or getting emotional over Sandoval’s potential thoughts of harming himself. There hasn’t been much of her, but when she is on screen she assumes the position we are so accustomed to seeing her in: center stage.

Where I Stand:

When this show started, we were used to seeing Lisa in boss mode as the owner of SUR. She was always strutting around the restaurant with a glass of rosé in her hand chastising servers, poking fun at bartenders, and contemplating firing Kristen. Fast forward to season eleven and the only cast member who works at one of her restaurants is DJ James Kennedy in the form of sporadic nights at SUR and TomTom. She is still a boss on this show, but her role has drastically shifted. Now, she is focused on keeping this group of people interesting so that Bravo doesn’t close down her reality TV show the way she had to close down Pump. Even though she is rarely the focus, the show does still wear her name in it’s title.

I am a huge LVP fan. On both Vanderpump Rules and RHOBH, she is a truly iconic figure for me. But this whole Tom Sandoval nonsense has me a little fed up with her. I understand the motivation to bring the cast back together for the sake of the show. I understand that with bringing certain people back over to Tom’s side, a slew of drama will ensue from the Ariana and Katie camp. I understand the strings she is pulling to keep the show relevant after what one can only assume was it’s peak last season. The many women on RHOBH who accused her of being a manipulator are getting their money’s worth right now as she attempts to use the ridiculous people on her show to keep the ratings up and keep fans interested.

Best of luck to you Ms. Vanderpump.

In Summation:
a worm with a mustache
Where We Left Him:

I don’t really want to rehash the Scandoval and I doubt you want to relive it. Here is a run-down of all the drama if you want to dive back into that rabbit hole.

Where We Are Now:

Similar to his co-Tom, Sandoval is whining and crying all over our screens. He is still unable to take any sort of responsibility for what he has done without immediately justifying his actions or pointing out how he is actually the victim in all this. He is like an energy vampire sucking the life out of me every time he is on TV.

Where I Stand:

This guy never fails to amaze me with his ability to dig himself into a deeper hole. You would think that cheating on your girlfriend of nine years with one of her friends who also used to be engaged to one of your close friends would be rock bottom for Tom. You would think that and it would be a logical thing to think. Yet every time this man opens his mouth he seems to dig himself deeper. His inability to accept responsibility for the way his actions hurt those around him and own his role as the villain should be studied by psychologists. Instead of owning up to his obvious wrongdoings, he likes to find a way to play the victim and take his delusional narcissism to new levels…

…but I want to stop feeding into the Tom Sandoval machine. I want to stop giving him more ammunition to weaponize against himself in order to make himself seem like the one wronged in all this. Because yes, even when he says what he said in the New York Times piece – if you didn’t think he was disgusting before, this really had to seal the deal – he finds a way to spin it. The only solution is to stop giving him material and to simply not acknowledge him. Attention fuels the narcissist and that attention doesn’t have to be positive to keep them going. My take on all things Tom Sandoval is that he deserves all the shit being thrown at him, but the only way to truly punish him for the things he has done is to keep his name out of your mouth and completely ignore his puny, little existence.

This will be the last time he gets his own section on my Vanderpump coverage. It will be impossible not to acknowledge him as I look at the season as a whole, but I will do my best to treat him with little attention and minimal credit.

In summation:
famagner
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